230. The Hot Game

Warning, serious idiocy follows…

It started as a pretty classic prank. We were driving along the Autobahn (as you do) in our rental which happened to be a pretty flash VW with accessories that did all kinds of things. Don’t ask me about the engine or any of that car crap, I’ll be hone I care about the accessories. One such handy feature was the seat warmers. The driver of the car decided to play a wee joke on the poor gentleman in the passenger seat, and put the seat warmer on, on what was already a stinking hot day. It took him ages to notice, hilarity ensued.

Then some bright spark had the idea that we should play what was dubbed “The Hot Game” (clever name). The way the hot game works, is you put ALL the seat heaters on, and blast the heating as high as possible, and see who cracks first. The problem is, we had a car load of really stubborn people and it went on for quite a while. Eventually we all agreed that we didn’t want the driver to pass out and kill us all (you can just see the headline on the Otago Daily Times “5 Kiwis found dead in stinking hot mess in Czech Republic”). However, the kicker that really made us all give up, was yet another flashy feature of the car. There was a wee screen on the dashboard that counts down how many kilometres you can travel with the remaining fuel on the tank, and it started dropping very quickly.

There were no winners in the Hot Game, just a car full of sweaty idiots.

A few nights later we met a British Couple, and for some reason the Hot Game came up. Possibly because the bar we were in was very reminiscent of those few minutes in the car. Instead of the expected “gosh you guys are stupid” our new friend Rosie said “Ohhh yeah we play that too! But we call it ‘Car Sauna’. Have you guys played ‘Air Brakes’?” Believe it or not, there are people more stupid than we are – air brakes is when everyone opens the doors of the car at once and as the name may suggest, it slows down. Sorry Rosie, don’t think we are going to play that one!

228. Get Collectively Dumped

I’m not gonna say it was love at first sight, but we became pretty fast friends with a guy staying at our hostel. In what was going to be a quiet night, with a few drinks at the bar before bed, a nice young chap from the US of A came up and said hi. Before we knew it we were teaching him to play our drinking games, translating our kiwi lingo for him and just generally having a laugh.

Mike, an architect from Chicago, who didn’t watch How I Met Your Mother (Ted Mosby jokes fell flat), seemed to find our banter pretty hilarious, and by sheer coincidence we ran into him the next day whilst sightseeing. It seems New Zealanders have become exponentially more endearing since Flight of the Conchords. We continued hanging out with him as we toured Prague, and he even came with us on the pub crawl. We were really getting to know and like Mike, especially Fraser, who seemed to be striking up quite the bromance with!

The next day we saw him again when we were getting some lunch, and it seemed to be a general consensus we would all hang out again the next night. So there we were, in our room, dealing with the terrible chat out of the Aussies that had moved in (they’d come straight from Schoolies to their Eurotrip), waiting for Mike to come on by and join us for a few drinks before we headed out. A few hours went by, and no Mike. Did something happen to him? He’s probably just having dinner.

As the night dragged on we eventually gave up on Mike (we also knocked on his door, just to check). The next day we were chekcing out, off on our next adventure. He never called, never said goodbye. We thought we had a real connection, you know? Thought it was something special. Did something awful happen to him? Was he just not that into us? Did he find a new group of friends? Were they more fun than us? We’ll never know.

Well jeez Mike, you coulda just said so!

179. Cops with guns

A totally foreign sight to me. Particularly in a small alpine resort town. I mean, what did they think was going to happen?  They also seemed to be exuding a “Canadian Park Ranger” vibe rather the usual Polizi uniform which made it that much more entertaining.

Given the gun situation I just went for a sly sneaky photo of them, rather than being too overt…

139. Tits Galore

This is a post about boobs. Fair warning.

I have recently just experienced my first ever “You know you’ve been in Europe too long when” moment. It came when I saw a particularly outrageous ad, and thought nothing of it. It wasn’t until I saw it twice more that I realised just how out of place it would be in most of the rest of the world.

That’s right, just about every bus in Aarhus is currently sporting a giant pair of tits! Only in Europe! Bad enough that there is a giant campaign for breast implants all over town (or “Nye Bryster”, as I can now add to my Danish vocabulary), but the buses actually show naked boobs. Not some subtle innuendo, or a covered but large breasted woman, or even a ‘pretending to be artful naked yet covered’ photo. Blatant boobs. Not even a head featured in the image!

I don’t know which is worse, the ad itself or my lack of shocked reaction (at first). It strikes me as particularly hilarious, that the Danes, who are notoriously modest, reserved and hard to break the ice with are so complacent about nudity,  whereas the countries where people are instantly friendly and open are quite the opposite.

Then again maybe it has something to do with Denmark housing the woman with the world’s* (or maybe just Europe, I’m not entirely sure) largest [fake] breasts. Not only does she live here, but she also hosts a reality show, called Familien Fra Bryggen. I’ve seen it before, but I don’t know what anyone’s talking about, seeing as how it is all in Danish. I suspect the men of the nation view it in the same way.

*Linse Kessler, owner of (at least) Europe’s largest assets and sister of famous Danish boxer Mikkel Kessler. He refuses to have anything to do with her show. Can’t think why. You can thank me when you win the local pub quiz on that knowledge.

136. The best beggar in the world

Spotted in Norway, where the dole is higher than the average wage in NZ, so probably more of a gag (especially if you take note of his expensive sunglasses). I still thought this guy was great though!

Probably just a cheeky backpacker who 5 minutes earlier had his eyeballs popping out of his head when he looked up xe.com on his iPhone and saw the exchange rate.